I was rifling through Tween’s rucksack this evening in the vain hope that I might find some – any – crumpled up information about a cricket tournament that he is in tomorrow. Instead, I found a brown envelope with his school report in.

Wondering how long it had been festering in there, and why Tween hadn’t told me about it, I opened it up. In all honesty, I knew it would be ok; he’s bright, happy, sociable – no issues to speak of. But as I ripped it open, and saw a glimpse of the glorious adjectives within, it was like I was Charlie opening my Golden Ticket. Sunshine literally burst forth. Violins played. There were key changes, and boy bands standing up and stepping forward. 100% attendance. Words like “gifted at literacy”, “wonderful mathematician” and from the head teacher, “an amazing report.” His class teacher said, “he is one of the kindest and most polite boys that I have ever met.”

You’re sick of this now. I would be.

Another showy-offy mum, using her own son’s achievements to bolster her own self esteem. Obviously you’re right, but I do have a point to make, which is this: When you announce to the world that you are getting a divorce, the question on everybody’s lips is, “But have you thought of the children?” The inference being that divorce destroys children.

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